from 23 onwards

molehill

2010-09-02T20:03:00.000-07:00

We met up for movies, because I want to see you. I miss seeing the love in your eyes which I saw that day.

But when you saw me, you started to question me about my coach and tell me I have no shame. Where is the love that was there 2 days ago? You told me to quit JH Kim because of that guy, but there is nothing between me and him, I don't even talk to him after class. Why do you want to make something out of nothing?

I do not want to talk. I kept quiet while you bombarded me with your ramblings.

Eventually I told you, I am not good enough for you. Find the girl who will do everything you like. I am not the one. You spy on my phone, bank accounts and browsing history and I never say a thing. Now you even want to control my hobby.

This is the point which I told you I am breaking up with you.

The reason for break up is stupid... But you are really getting on my nerves.

You or Taekwondo? I do not want to choose.. Yet you force me to... What am I going to say to you? You want to hear what I have to say tonight, you can't accept the break up. Then please don't mention the issue again. It is not even an issue in the 1st place.

I do not want to break up because of taekwondo. I love you, but you are getting more and more posessive and controlling than before, I love the you who gave me freedom. Give me some space. Otherwise, its better if we go our seperate ways.

hurt

2010-08-31T20:05:00.001-07:00

The hurt in your eyes was what I saw last night. At that point my heart aches for you. I wanted to take away such pain. You called me once I arrived in Singapore. The sound of your voice calling me dear just made me smile. You said you really love me and I felt that sincerity.No more doubts...I'm your baby...

limit

2010-08-24T08:19:00.001-07:00

There is a limit to how much bullshit I can take from you.As much as I love you. You are always putting me at 2nd place.You called and told me that you are meeting your colleagues for dinner therefore unable to accompany me to mustafa. But you promised to be with me tonight. So what is this bullshit!You said you have yet to have your dinner but since you came back, you never had dinner with me. The last time I met u so late because u had dinner with ur colleagues. Everyday you eat with them after work. Can't you eat with me for once? You see them everyday and you have to rob me of a simple wish. Tears are welling inside me now. You hurt me again.. So simply, you are able to hurt me.. Thanks to my dad I cheered up.. Seems like I can't depend on any man in this world other than my dad..You ask so much from me and I had never failed you. Yet you can't even do 1 simple thing for me.You are one big bullshit...I really don't want to se you at all. Don't come and find me. I want to go Thailand happily. I seriously love much better when you are far far away... Sometimes just missing you is enough.. It makes things less complicated if I don't see you at all

Your Fears

2010-08-23T02:00:00.001-07:00

Last night while u hold me in ur arms, u spoke of your fears you have in this relationship. As much as your fears are valid and logical.. Pls push it aside for I will never leave you for those reasons.

Know that I love u just because the feeling I get from sleeping in ur arms is priceless and irreplaceable.. U are scared that I will leave u when I get bored with u and chuck u aside. You told me to give you warning before that happens.. U repeated those lines as I fell asleep in your arms.. It made me want to cry...

Oh my honey.. Tts really cute when u show ur vulnerability to me.. Do remember that you did left me when you got bored and tired of our arguments, you left me to be with that Veronica Domingo Crazy Bitch. But when you want to come back to me? Have I ever hesitated? Our weakness and flaws are nothing when true love conquers all and I love you. Truly, Madly, Deeply...

I'm ur weakness as much as u are mine.. What am I say to assure u that my love for u will stand the test of time?

This is both our longest relationship.. We have been through so much hardship together.. I love u.. And that will never change.

words ain't enough

2010-08-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I tried to put my love for you into words and I was stuck.

What can I say to tell you that I love you?

I love you.

I miss you.

I can't live without you.

I am your baby, you are my honey.

Yet nothing beats a hug.

Nothing wins a kiss.

And nothing could replace what I share with you.

Love is not just a word.

Its everything you and me share.

And yet nothing could stop me from saying...

"Honey, I love you"

Nothing tickles me more than your endless kisses while I squirm in your embrace.

Thank you honey, for without your love I could not live or even breathe.

You made me feel bliss I never felt in my whole life, I am lucky to be loved by you.

Because of your love, I am the luckiest woman on earth.

Langkawi after thoughts

2010-08-18T21:55:00.001-07:00

My 2nd trip to Langkawi, my 2nd honeymoon with my baby..

It started put pretty well on the first day and we were suppose to sort out some issues between us during this trip. On the 1st day it was fun, but the night ended with me in tears after I trash out with him all my secrets I wanted to keep from him.

Love.. So elusive.. I know that we love each other. But something is missing and I can't pin point..

After the teary episode I had high fever ard 4am.. I cried to him for help and he hugged me with his body thru the night as I was very feverish and his cool body was my temporary relief. I felt bliss even amongst the suffering. He held me like a baby on his lap and pressed cold towel against my forehead. At that point in time we know that we will take care of each other no matter what arguments and difference we have.

At the break of day, he drove ard looking for doctor while I sat limp and lifeless on the passenger seat.. The pain inflicted by the fever on my body was killing me. He led me to a clinic and we waited. I laid my head on his lap and slept for 3 hrs before it's my turn. Yeah I wonder why it took so long too.

Day 2 langkawi was disrupted due to my fever and we slept the day away together. By evening I was feeling much better and we had dinner at this zen looking place call Sunday bistro.

Seafood in langkawi nv fails to satisfy me. :)

Since that day, my trip in langkawi was filled with bliss and love as he took extra care of me. I am really touched by his caringness towards me because I know my ice man rarely shows concern to anyone.

I love u. Because.. ;)

PROOF!!!!!

2010-08-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

Thats what Veronica Domingo the Shameless Bitch wrote...

The real messages

Stalker

2010-08-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

Fuck.. I know you are stalking me.. you sick bitch...

And you are using ur bf's fb acc to stalk me.. coz guess what, ur bf told me he doesn't have one.. I added him coz he is my friend..

U made up a fb page for him and posted comments using his fb on your acc to make it look like he is so in love with u.. and reply to his friends using his name but its actually u.. I am so glad he told me today that he did not make tt fb page... but I kinda suspected it was u who did it anyway cause I remembered how you like to hack into ppl's fb... you made me want to kill myself that day bitch when you hacked into my bf's acc and pretended to be him and feed me false information...

QUIT STALKING ME!!!!

Sick Pathetic Bitch.

And your version of the story isn't true...

quote from ur fb (fyi, Flirt Girl is me):

"FLIRT GIRL: hi would u like to watch some movie?
GUY: sure no problem! let's watch together with my friends ana, alex, janice, belai, kimchi & with my girlfiend!
FLIRT GIRL: sorry but i'll not go out with u if your gf is there.....
GUY: sorry but i will never go out with u without my girlfriend!!!

ohhwww how sweet

Poor Girl!!!"

(1st of all, the last 2 line are total crap and mis-represented and the last POOR GIRL!!! crap?! hahaha.. let me tell you he went out for movies with me. Who is the Poor Thing now? Seriously, even while typing this, I find it damn lame to talk abt my pvt affairs on the web.. but I had to do this just to get the msg across to you)

This is the REAL Conversation, WORD BY WORD... I saved it on my iphone

Me: Hey everybody!!! Movie this Thursday after work (After 10pm).. Meet at cineleisure :) Those who can make it say 'aye'

2 days later...

Me: Ok.. No one reply me abt tml, so I guess it's cancelled?

Guy: Ok watch movie no problem with ms X, Mr Y, Ms Z and my girlfriend

Me: Sorry I told u I will nv go out with ur gf.. ---------->and I did told him before that I am fine with them together, just don't ask her to join us in gatherings.

Guy: Sorry but me never go out with my girlfriend. ------------> I was thinking, tts kinda sad, she is ur gf and you nv go out with her b4?!?!

Me: It's ok .. If u want to have a date with her u can go movie with her ------------> I tot they nv go out for movie together, so I gave him a suggestion

But I don't want to see her. I HATE Veronica Domingo.

I don't want to see her, talk to her or be near her. I really really do not like her at all.. Hope u understand.

Guy: Why don't like her? im dont understand. O.k next time lets talking with me

Me: Ok A, good night

Guy: O.k Im so sorry have a good night.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

1st.. you think its the end of story?!?! No! I went out with him for movie eventually on the THURSDAY tt we discussed abt in this conversation. Guess what, he is a person with brain. So stop thinking you can control him. I am sick and tired of your childishness. Ur Ex Bf who is my now bf and my ex as well (thx to u bitch) had told me your sick controlling methods.

If you want to keep this guy, give him some space.

Because I respect and cherish my friendship with your bf, I nv put THIS up on MY FB. Coz I am not a fucking exhibitionist like you, I bet if I req a tv crew to film u (Yes I am that well connected) you will strip down and fuck the camera man... fucking bitch... So pls respect your 31 yr old ass and stop posting untrue stories before I post this on UR FB and let your 2830+ so call friends know what a lying bitch your are.. and seriously, how many REAL friends you have?

Get a life. You will soon be 32... Fucking Cougar...

=========================================

To prove that I am not making this out of thin air like she did, here is the proof!!!!

http://cindery.blogspot.com/2010/08/proof_05.html

PS. Veronica Domingo, if you are still looking at this page, it proves you are fucking stalking me.

doubts

2010-07-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

I love you.

I love you more.

The replies I get from you are sweet. I thought I could trust you.

But you are unable to explain this black and white.

My trust in you has went back to zero.

--------------------------------------

updates:

amends made.. ok i love u. =P

27th June 2010

2010-06-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

My last post was on 4/11/10

Since then, I had actually got myself a 'bf' and a LDR for 1 week plus.

Since he had been gone, I had heard so many 'I love you's, I thought that I must be hearing wrongly.

Don't get me wrong, it is not that I do not love him. I do. As much as the line is sweet to my ears,

and made my heart flutters, I can't help but to wonder why the shower of such words?

As if by repeating it I will be under his ownership. I do feel that way.

He has been drinking a lot since he got back, and I find myself abstaining from going club and

pub to drink.

Yet, I would love to. I need to get those drinking colleagues out for more drinks.

Even though I am still in this r/s (which sometimes I do not feel that it is a r/s) I want to get out of it.

The trust is no longer there.

Yes I have won the little charade btw me and VD. Yet I can't shake off the shadow the betrayal had

done to me. It had shaken my self esteem and confidence I used to have.

I am no longer the same. I need my confidence back.

Do I Love You?

Yes I do.

But I can't take this any more.

Sitting in starbucks

2010-04-11T03:12:00.001-07:00

While I'm here studying for my law exams, the lonliness comples me to immense myself in deep thought of my ex.
Like I mentioned earlier I have no exact date which we broke up. But I think it's been 4 mths since.
As tears silently slides down my cheeks. Memories of us came back to me.
Utterly disappointed where the rs had taken me, i'm rather sure that I will nv fall in love again. For I treasured what I had with him, what I have given n what I had exp fr it.
I suspect that these tears will not part with me... Not just yet.

Silently I wish that he stays safe.. N wish that he will have a good life ahead.. I wld nv want to see or hear him to come to any harm..

Friends of him, if u see this post. Please be sure to call him n give him strength n wisdom to pull thru what he is experiencing now. For if I can't be there to help him directly any more.

But I'll always b here.

Fade away

2010-04-07T22:54:00.001-07:00

I wish...

My love for you fades away soon..

Please fade

Baby wun u please come home

2010-04-07T12:08:00.001-07:00

I miss u baby

Not happy

2010-04-07T05:01:00.001-07:00

Called a few ppl who I tot could understand what I am feeling, but yet they don't.

I know he is getting his just deserve but I'm worried..
Very worried about how his mental faculty is. How is he coping?

I do hate what he had done to me n the inhumane way he was treating me.
I can't deny that despite all that I love him.
It's stupid, I know.

I now realized that the silent unknown calls I receive 2 weeks ago might be him.

I really want to talk to him.

But yet as much as I still love him, I can't forgive. I know I will nv call him, please call me..

Pain

2010-03-12T03:38:00.001-08:00

Lately, the pain had turn into a slow numbing feel,

I realized tt I do miss him a lot but he had been such a stupid fool to give up what we had for a momentary thrill.

I love 'love'. But it s concept so beautiful I wun want to tarnish it any more.

Totally give up on men. All the same.
I'm gonna rem this lesson & be the me who once was.

Wakeboarding

2010-03-09T02:46:00.001-08:00

I'm in the changing room right now. Just finished wakeboarding!!!

Can't believe I manage to stand... It's so harddddd...
Wanted to give up so many timess
But gilky & Bernadette pushed mr to try 1 more time... AND I finally got the feel of it.. Haha

Lonliness

2010-03-08T05:43:00.001-08:00

I just want to hold some one & fall asleep in his arms. To feel warm & loved...
Is it too much to ask?
I guess tt the habit of having some1 by my side had made me such reliant creature...
Or have I always craved such attention tt I became too comfortable with what I used to have...

looking over ur shoulder

2010-03-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

looking @ the past...

I keep pouring over my malaysia trip photos over and over again.

I miss Jamie, Malai, Ramesh, Akshay, Nirev, Grace, Shiqi, Zhangrui, Wei Ming, Alvyn, Ah Boy.

I miss every single moment, every single crazy time.

looking back @ those photos. I wish time could really stand still.. lemme re live..

escape to malaysia part 1

2010-02-13T05:15:00.000-08:00

The following is adventure of cindy ALONE!

I have just reached Senai Airport. Just bathed at the privilleged lounge. yeah I know too pampered to be really 'backpacking' though I keep telling ppl I am backpacking. hahahaha. Really can't stand non vip service la. Sound really bitchy now yeah? Sorry... =(

After work at 4pm, my colleague Uncle Yusoff drove me to Woodlands Train Checkpoint.
It was really wise thing that he did that though he offered to drive me to Senai Airport. If he drove me to Senai, he wld be jammed like mad all the way after the causeway and I will feel so bad abt tt =(

After crossing the jammed causeway, I went to scourage for a phone shop to top up my malaysia prepaid card (for those who wanna call me while i am in msia, its +60127936538). Like Sg, JB is flooded with chinese, so most of the shops were closed in City Square. I walked under the hot sun to the neighbourhood alleys and found a 7 eleven that sells the top up. The sales person was very nice. He used 2 hands to hand me my cash back. *smilez* its the small things that makes you appreciate niceness in people. lately there are just wayyyyy too many self absorbed assholes that crossed my life.

So, after the hot sun I was sweating in my fabulous AX outfit and wanted to enjoy a nice massage and bath. Since everywhere in City Sq is clsoed by 6pm, I hired a taxi Mr Arbi (Taxi # 8497, tel 0167451768) on the streets. He gave me his name card and I told him to bring me to a massage parlor. We combed the city for a massage centre which I can enjoy some decent hydrobath and massage and we found non. So by 8pm I gave up the search and went for dinner @ a local indian food stall with him to thank him for spending 2 hrs on a futile search =D He used to be a SBS bus driver #76 2 yrs ago! tt was the bus I used to take to YCK for my driving sch. Haha.. It must be fate that he drives me today again. I gave him RM100 for being such a sweetheart, helping me walk into palors and palors to check if they are still opened while I wait in the comfort of his taxi.

When I reached Senai Airport, I took a pic with him. Will upload it when I have go back to SG.

Tired since last night (2 hrs of sleep) and bathed only at 630am this morn, by now 830pm I am sweaty, smelly and fatigued.

My flight was delayed to 12 midnight that means I have a looooong way to go before I will get to KL and get some decent accomodation.

Luckily!!!! This lok kok Senai airport has a Priv Lounge for Priority Pass holder (Thk u PremierMiles!) haha.. So I checked into the Lounge and sipped on free drinks and dessert after a nice looong shower in the VIP toilet. (Got photos as well) Going to try on the massage chair later and catch soem precious winks. Headache now already. The staff will wake me up when my flight is boarding.

I went DFS and bought XO for tonight and Penang when I meet Rameis and Malai. I think they will like it. I also bought some sweet cigars.. woohoo!! finally able to taste cigar.. haha...

Still when I think that its V Day tml.. a tinge of sadness still creeps into me. I had a wonderful time last yr. With my P5 and my ex.

Its nice to have adventure. But adventure also has to come with comfort ;)
enjoyment is extremely important in a holiday.
travel in style, baby, travel in style.....

fucking bastard

2010-01-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

I have never felt so hurt ever in my life.

he actually put his status has "I have finally found someone" on his facebook page.

that fucking bastard.

i hope he rots in hell.

FUCKING BASTARD!!!!

final break up

2010-01-15T05:01:00.000-08:00

reason why i am single again.

1) he didn't change my light bulb like he promised

2) he didn't clean up my house like he promised

3) he didn't take leave to go holiday with me like he promised (the 1000000th time)

4) he is not worth it

5) my money is better spend on other stuff.

breathe... the air of singlehood...

sometimes friendship is all you need.

1st motorbike ride

2010-01-03T03:05:00.000-08:00

On my recent sudden impromptu escapade to Penang, I was given my 1st chance to be pillioned on a motorbike. Its so fun! But I think it will be difficult to learn and still a dangerous kind of transport. Though I would very much like to be able to ride one. But hey, this girl is not a big fan of helmet head.

I do miss riding on the bike, to put my arms around his waist and lean my chin against his shoulder. Feeling the cool air caress my arms and at the same time forcing my eyes close with its continuous assault. 80km/hr is enough for me. ;)

When will I get to ride one again?

keep my big mouth shut

2010-01-01T07:52:00.000-08:00

I have this problem of being truthful to the point that I hurt myself.

It took me one year to realised that even if that person is your boyfriend, there are things you should not say to him like. "I don't feel like we have a future" Unless of course, I would like to break up with him there and then.

It was the New Year's Eve and I travelled 10 hours to Penang to surprise my "not so happy kind of surprise" boyfriend.

And with all the happy times passing by us, I had to, at the moment while we were sitting on the beach watching Sunset, blurt out. "Dear, I think you were right. We are going to be just friends."

The day before, he just told me he loved me on the phone, after 6 months. Though since he had stop saying this phrase for so long, I doubted his sanity and sincerity at the point of time.

The next day came by and I was really not happy spending (most of the) time with him. He always waste time sleeping in the hotel room. Taking extremely long time to get ready to go out. Make rude remarks at me. I had to be resolute and keep silent for him to get the hint that he is really pissing me off. Though I think he had no idea, he totally ruined my "romantic getaway" I planned in my mind when I set off on 30th Dec 2009 night.

I think I really cannot accept who he is. Why am I still with him? I need to rethink my decisions.

honey honey

2009-12-06T05:50:00.000-08:00

many friends of mine must think that I am damn disgusting! hahaha..

I used to be the one condemning girls who neglect their friends when they are in a relationship. Now that mine has been with me for 1 yr plus already and i must apologise to my girls that I have not been going out with you as I have been spending so much time with my honey~ haha.. *cue to puke now*

Our r/s has been on rocky ground and we have both never thought it will come to 1 yr plus since we met. Last night he was asking me how should be celebrate our anniversary, which is next year Valentines.

We had 4 months of guess and tease in Nov 2008 till we officially become a pair in 15th Feb 2009 and it has filled me with happiness and pain and sometimes tinge of lonliness when we fight.

Last night's romance had sweetened my memory of us and made me realise that happiness can be so simple. supper @ Mac D, tiny quarrel followed by a swear on his life that I have not lied to him. haha.. yes, I swear on his life, if I lied, he will die. So serious ahh.. but I can swear because I know the truth, I will never lie to him, he smiled and that boyish smile and the bear hug that followed will be with me all my life. We had bowling which ended with an arrogant man and a throughly defeated woman. Haha.. Damn angry with him man.. never give chance at all.. but its good to see my boy happy.

He told me "I love you" in such a stupid way... I knew I would win.. some how I know that he loves me although he refuse to admit it.

Finally he spent the night in my room which I keep asking him to since months ago. He refuse to come into my house cause he does not like my siblings to know we are together again. Maybe he also doesn't want my siblings to think I am a loose girl who brings man home, but hey, we have been together for so long, he should really loosen up there. I hate going to his place because I have to hide all the time, so I want him to come to my house, which he doesn't have to be discreet, but he insisted on discretion.

Still, last night felt so good because he was with me till dawn. I love to sleep in his arms as his hug me tightly as if he is afraid that I will disappear and kiss me on my cheeks and neck now and then.

Do I love him? To quote him, I have no idea any more, but this is some kinda of commitment that I have put myself into. I like him and I see myself spending the rest of my life with my dearest honey.

vacation plan

2009-12-06T01:08:00.001-08:00

Its the end of the year and I am surfing facebook photos of friends who are currently travelling the world or have came back from their vacation.

I yearn to go to the places they have been. But my honey is not free and if he is free, he will not be spending time with me but with his family. I have decided to plan my vacations with my friends instead of my lovey dovey. =P I have spent the whole year trying to get him to go on vacation with me, initially it was because the destination he wants to go are way out of my budget as I was earning minimum wage, now I wanna go to his destinations, he is busy spending time with his family. Sigh. We only manage to go JB, KL& Batam this year (+ sentosa). I foresee will miss him very much when I travel to places and wish that he is right by my side.

I will be going to India next year with Fiza. Next on my list is Thailand and Australia and many mini trips to my favorite neightbour Malaysia.

Jump Abroad! Coz we are setting sail~

cooking porridge

2009-12-03T04:17:00.000-08:00

last time, I tried to cook rice, and it became porridge.

Now i try to cook porridge, it became rice... =|

I need a man who can cook to be my husband

who wanna apply? I promise I will wash the dishes

sick

2009-12-02T03:06:00.001-08:00

i am sick... =(

its damn funny.. nv been sick in this order before.

I was perfectly fine on Monday and then suddenlly Tuesday, my voice became hoarse.. really hoarse.. but no pain in the throat.

SO i thought maybe shuqi passed it to me when I met her on Sat.

Then today, I started coughing like mad..

I wonder, is it the chilli that I have been eating that destroyed my voice?

Or the crying? Or was it the sea breeze that day that blew my voice away?

Anyway I already got my posting results. I am kind of confused what my reaction is. I am happy cause its a slack job. Not happy cause I won't be able to learn somethings which other colleagues are going to learn. Its gonna be damn boring. Kinda sad about it. haix.. Its quite far from home too.. Nim's house is very near it. Wonder if there are rooms for rent there, then I will rent a room there. =P

Everything will work out fine.

I want another holiday...

sld I?

2009-09-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

Should I spend my money on antoher travel or should I save it up and contribute to Singapore's economy. (I have went to KL, Port Dickson and Batam in these 2 months - all budget trips)

Guess I will save and spend for christmas.

Hmm.. I wanna go some where, but I am not familiar with Bangkok and Cambodia so my friends are asking me not to go. The only choice is KL but I am unwilling to go there again because its going to be just shopping and I will be spending 4 days there just shopping. I would love to watch a play and explore a bit. But is it fun to do all these alone?

to go or not to go?

2009-09-24T19:58:00.001-07:00

I want to go KL/Bangkok/Cambodia 12th Oct to 15th Oct.

But no one to go with me.

Sigh...

Maybe I will just stay in Singapore

I got it!!!

2009-09-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Finally after waiting for some time - actually its not very long, just that my anticipation for it had caused the wait to seem very long - my appointment letter has come.

I will be getting my formalities done and I will be a full fledged Inspector.

*beeming with joy & pride*

No need to worry about being jobless after quitting Starhub.

Yes guys I have been work in Starhub for 2 months and it had been a throughly enjoyable experience. Time pass so quickly here that I wish I will not leave, but the project has to end and a new beginning will start from here.

There will be a new adventure.

Oh I can't wait!!!

(I am bent on travelling to either Thailand or Malaysia before my full time job starts on 19th October, who wanna join? Otherwise I will be going alone)

By the way my birthday is coming soon~ If you want to spend an evening dinning @ the comfortable setting of my choice (because I have already booked the place), please inform me within this week~

Loves and Peace.

2009-09-10T18:39:00.000-07:00

why is it that I find it hard to blog.

unlike the past, when I was still a student, life seems vibrant and i wanted to record down every single happiness and pain.

but now.

matters that are happy doesn't seem as amazing as before.

matters that are sad definately are not moments in my life I would like to keep.

so people do change.

new page!

2009-08-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

You will probably see a new me.

Its been so long since I blogged..

I am so excited!